I was fake. Until I wasn't.
What my body did…when I admitted to being a fake:
I've always felt like a jack of all trades; I know a little about a lot of things, but knowing a little - and guessing at the rest - made me feel unsure and insecure. And when I’ve learned a skill or profession, I learn to do it well enough but not so I could excel. In short, I created a façade to prevent the embarrassment of not knowing things that I thought everyone at my age already knew - a character.
The experience in my body was a presentation of knowing about myself, while actually feeling internally crippled. It felt like I in-formed myself the best I could, filling myself in with wet, pulpy newspaper; dense and heavy, weighing me down like a cast, all actual information indecipherable and invented - like me. Prior to SPRe, I couldn’t even name this, let alone know this way of being had an origin - my home of origin.
Although we have the internet now, full of data to absorb, the job of a parent is to help a child's for-mation by being interested, and providing input, feedback, and even push back. A physicality the internet can’t provide! I don't remember my parents telling me things, or asking me what I thought, or giving me input on what I did, or said, or who I was. I don't remember asking them curious questions about anything. The SPRe process was the catalyst for naming this; giving me a slow discovery of recovery of my authenticity and the bravery to ask when I need to.
And that’s what my body did when I admitted to faking it….it started feeling real, like I have real words that inform and create an internal map, giving me guideposts to navigate through the world.
Kate want to know- how was your body faking it, how did your body get “honest” what happened? TELL ME MORE.
Joy Walker is a SPRe® Practitioner at Studio Evolve. She believes that understanding the importance of pursuing the health and recovery of mind and body, and that we are all dynamic and multifaceted individuals, is what makes her uniquely qualified to help clients in their journey of health and self-discovery.